i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
