i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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