I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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