Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
