Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
