i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
