currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
