Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
