Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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