I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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