I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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