Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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