I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize