I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize