Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i love accidental penises.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
