I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
