...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
