Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
