I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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