I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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