I wish they made helmets for livers.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i think my cat just said my name.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
