3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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