Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
