Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
