That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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