The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
