He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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