I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
