wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
