I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize