dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
