So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
