I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
