I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
