8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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