So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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