i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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