Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
