Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
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