you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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