All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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