I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
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20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
bring money and cleavage
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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