Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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