in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
