I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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