Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
are you so shy because you have an std?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
