It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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