What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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