Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
