Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
