wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
