OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
