i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
