Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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