You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize
