dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
