just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
