Jerry, you need to find god
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
