Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My cat gives me a boner
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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