Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
