I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
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