the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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