naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
