can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
