How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
