Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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