why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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