Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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