dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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