just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
