Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
