Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
