They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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