god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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