I accidentally had phone sex last night
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
