Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
