i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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