Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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